"Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball."

Next Monday, I'm going back to school. A lot of my friends at work are spending their 'waiting' time wisely by attending school part-time, so I decided to join them and do something productive with my free time. I'll be working towards a second Master's degree, this time in Technical Management at the Johns Hopkins University.

In the mail the other day, Hopkins sent me a J-Card--their version of the ubiquitous student ID card. Anyway, I really got a kick out of the ridiculous letter they sent with the J-Card that included the following:

Take good care of your J-Card! Do not unnecessarily handle it. Do not trim the edges, punch holes in it, bend it, or alter the shape in any way. Do not affix stickers or bar codes of any kind to the card's surface. Be careful not to let it near magnets (including magnetized purse clasps)--this will erase the encoded information on your card and it will have to be replaced...

In other words, "Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball." This reminds me of all the over-the-top consumer warning labels out there, which collectively have inspired an annual award. So remember, kids, if your "Happy Fun Ball begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head."